The Gospel According to St. Titleist

 history’s worst putt

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

-- Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
-- John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
-- Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
-- Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
-- Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
-- Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
-- William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
-- Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
-- Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
-- Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
-- Arnold Palmer

                                                       

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
-- Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
-- Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!
-- Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
-- Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
-- Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
-- Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
-- Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
-- Jimmy DeMaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
-- Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
-- Anon

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
-- George Deukmejian

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
-- Lee Trevino

24. Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken.
-- Woody Woodbury

Finally:

25. The No. 1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys and cell phone out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.

-- Anon

  

"There is only one boss: the customer.  And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down simply by spending his money somewhere else."

Email from Hak Joo Choi